Recovered Dreams
by isoldegrace
Summary: Sookie and Bill meet in college and have a less than ideal relationship. Sookie meets her brother's best friend Eric on a school break, can he help her get her life back or is it already too late? Rated M to be safe.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Hey everyone! I've been reading fanfictions for years and years and the other day this idea popped into my head. Let me know what you think, if I should continue. Constructive criticism is more than welcome but it is my first fic, be nice.

Was there really ever a point in my life where Bill Compton did not hold power over every aspect of my life? A point that I was actually happy? When I called the shots?

I know there was it was only a few short months ago that I was happy, outgoing Sookie. A girl who thought every day was an adventure and that every new person that walked into my life was the other half of a beautiful friendship waiting to happen. That was probably where I went wrong, before I meet Bill I never saw the bad in people. Or I saw it and overlooked it thinking that no one in this world was capable of evil. Questionable actions? Yes. Evil? No. But again, that was before I meet Bill.

He seemed so sweet the first time I saw him sitting in my American History lecture, I sat next to him and when class was over he asked if I would like to go for a cup of coffee. I thought he was cute and I said yes. We talked for hours in that little coffee place just off campus, imagine my surprise when I found out that he actually knew where the small town I had grown up in was. Bon Temps is a beautiful place but it is more than a little off of the beaten path, in fact it is several hundred miles off of it. Not exactly a hot spot for anyone attending Vanderbilt University in Nashville, Tennessee.

I told him all about growing up there, about my Gran, my brother Jason, how nervous I was being a freshman, about my nutty but lovable roommate Amelia, about my dreams of becoming an FBI agent and eventually getting to work in the Behavior Analysis Unit. He in turn told me about growing up in Austin, Texas, his parents and older brother, his two roommates Victor Madden and Felipe de Castro. Bill was a senior studying to be a systems analyst and was taking the history class now after avoiding it for three years.

Looking back I realize that for someone who wanted to spend her life observing people and profiling criminals I was sure oblivious to the multitude of things that should have sent up danger signals to me during that first date. He acted a bit odd when my friend Claude and his boyfriend Lafayette showed up and greeted me with a hugs, They are beautiful boys but they are also very clearly very gay. However, Bill still seemed threatened by them. When I asked he said that we were on a date and that he thought it had been rude for them to interrupt. I was so flattered that this attractive senior boy wanted to date me that I overlooked the possessive look in his eye. That was my first mistake.

It started out very slowly, the bossing me around, the treating me like something less than human. "Sookie, would you go get everyone a beer?" Became "Go get everyone a beer." Every time, with out fail I would go get them.

If I wanted to go out with my friends he accused me of cheating on him or said that I thought he wasn't enough and maybe we should just break up. I didn't want that, I liked him a lot and I was still amazed that he wanted to be with me. I started turning down my friends when they called asking if I wanted to hang out choosing, instead to spend my time with Bill. Eventually they stopped calling, because they already knew what the answer would be.

Talking to other boys always led to accusations of me sleeping around and more threats from him that he would simply end it.

I tried so hard to be the perfect girlfriend but it never seemed to be good enough for Bill. Everything else seemed less important than my relationship with him, he was the center of my world. I could not have chosen a worse person to center on if I tried.

A/N: So, what do you think?


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: The lovely Charlaine Harris owns these characters, I am simply borrowing them. I forgot to mention that in the first chapter.

Chapter 2

Sex was the big issue between Bill and I, no matter how much he had weakened my once overflowing self-esteem or cut me off from my friends there was one thing he could not get me to cave into. I was a virgin and I had every intention of staying that way until the day I got married. He tried and tried to get me to give in and sleep with him, but I would not bend on that one no matter how much Bill railed against it.

For that first semester he seemed ok with it, not happy but he accepted it. I suppose he figured that he could eventually get me to give in. In the months we were together he chipped away at my self esteem and group of friends, until the only person I felt that I had in the world was him.

I didn't really notice how much I had changed until I went back to my gran's for Christmas break. Much to Gran's disappointment I had spent Thanksgiving with Bill's family in Texas, but she was so excited that I had found myself a 'nice young man' that she said it was fine as long as she had me for Christmas.

When I got home to that tired looking but still beautiful old farmhouse I had already started to figure out that there was something about my relationship with Bill that was off. I'd seen how Jason was with his myriad of girlfriends in high school, while he'd never been with any one girl for more than a couple of months he had treated every single one of them like a lady. It had started to click that there was something off about the way Bill was treating me, more like I was a piece of furniture and not a person.

Then I walked into my house and heard my grandmother shout, "Sakes alive girl! Where have you gone? Don't they feed you at that fancy school of yours?"

"Of course they do gran. Why on earth would you think they didn't?"

"Because you're skin and bones Sookie, dear. Well, we'll just have to pack some meat back on with some good low cooking. Come on iinto the kitchen I've got some grits from this morning, that'll warm you right up." I followed Gran into the kitchen, I couldn't bring myself to tell her that Bill had started making comments about my body, less than kind comments. The kind that make a girl start cutting calories and start hitting the gym. In the last two months I'd lost nearly 20 pounds. I'd gone from a curvy southern belle to a woman who could pass for a young boy. My once generous cleavage now hardly required a bra.

I hear a car pull into the drive, a car door slam quickly followed by a shout of "Gran! Sookie! Where are you?"

"Kitchen." I shout back, smiling, excited to see my big brother again, he's a junior a Duke University in North Carolina and I hadn't seen him since my high school graduation at the beginning of the summer since he'd been taking summer classes and I'd been with Bill on Thanksgiving. I hear him murmur something to someone. "Gran, did you say Jason could bring one of his floozys home? On Christmas?"

"No, Sook she didn't. Lord knows I tried though." I look at him and he's got a smile on his face and in his eyes.

"Jason," I squeal jumping into his arms like a little girl while he twirls me around in a circle. "I missed you! You can never leave me ever again, I mean really, who needs college degrees, we can just start a band or something."

"Sure thing, just as soon as one of us looses that charming inability to sing." I laugh. We've had this conversation every break since he left for Duke three years earlier. He really wanted me to go there so we could be together again, but I know that if I'd gone there college would have been just like high school, I would have spent the next four years being 'little Stackhouse'. I'd wanted my own identity so that and the fact that Vandy had given me a huge academic scholarship had sealed the deal on where I was going to school.

"Well then who were you talking to?"

"That would be me." I hear a slightly accented voice say behind me. I turn around to face the speaker and my heart literally stops. Standing before me is the single most beautiful man I've ever seen. He is at least 6'5, and with just enough muscle to look intimidating but not so much that it was gross. His hair is short and blonde and his eyes are blue, they're the kind of eyes that look straight through you and see you soul.

"Sookie, this is Eric Northman." I hear Jason say, he sounds far away. But I pull myself together before I make myself look completely ridiculous and hold out my hand to our guest.

"It's nice to meet you, Eric." I say with a smile. He take's my hand with a smile that I swear could melt stone.

"You too," he says, "Nice to finally meet the girl Jason's been talking about nonstop since I meet him."

"Oh, Jason, you didn't." I say blushing. Ever since we were little kids Jason has always told his friends about how great I am, how smart and pretty and funny and generally wonderful I am. 'So they have something to aspire to' he always told me. Jason always says that if he could find a girl like me he would have no problem settling down. As it is, well he seems to have no problem sleeping his way through girls who are nothing like me until she comes along.

"And why wouldn't I tell my friends about the most wonderful sister in the whole wide world? Although I might need to get some new pictures of you, when did you get so skinny kiddo?"

"Oh, college, you know, it's really stressful. Finals especially."

"Mmmhmm." I can tell that he doesn't believe me.

I look over to see Eric talking to my Gran, "Thank you for welcoming me into your home Mrs. Stackhouse, particularly at this time of the year."

"Oh, nonsense, no one should be alone at Christmas ." My Gran is always the best hostess. "I am so sorry for your loss dear." She says patting him on the hand in a comforting way.

Now I understand, Jason had mentioned that he'd recently befriended a boy who had just lost his parents recently and that he was worried because the boy had no where to go on christmas break. I suppose this is the solution that he came up with. Just when you're totally convinced that my brother is little more than a heartless idiot who bounces from bed to bed (caring very little for those in the beds) he goes and does something like this. This boy, whom Jason has known for a mere four months, had nowhere to go for the holidays so what does Jason do? He brings him home with him. Moments like these make me proud to be his sister.

While I was thinking about all of this a slightly awkward silence has descended upon the kitchen. "So," I say, just a little to loudly, "Eric, how do you feel about grits?"

He shoots me a look that clearly says 'thank you'. "Honestly, I've never had them."

"Well, you haven't LIVED until you've tried Gran's. Gran, do we have anymore?"

"Oh, sweetheart, you've been away to long. I always make plenty extra when my babies come home." She says kissing me on the top of my head.

The whole holiday passed in this manner, lots of Stackhouse (plus a Northman) family time and activities. Eric was great, I was so glad that Jason had finally found someone to be his best friend. In high school it was Hoyt but he goes to the University of Lousiana it's hard for them to keep up a friendship when they're so far apart. Him finding Eric was great, Jason had plenty of friends from the football team but had lacked someone who would be there in the long term. The pair of them had meet in the gym at the beginning of the semester and had been completely inseperable ever since. I liked him, he seemed really nice and seemed to keep Jason grounded in reality. It was a comfort for me to know that Jason had someone like this in his life, although if someone had told me then what a huge impact Eric would end up having on both of our lives I never would have believed them.

A/N: Second chapter done... and about twice as long as chapter 1! yay! Thank you to everyone who favorited my story and left me encouraging reviews. I was so nervous posting this so those really helped! Review please, it makes me feel validated.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Sorry, sorry, sorry. It's been a while since I posted. This isn't really a full blown chapter, it's only 600-ish words but I wanted to give you guys something since I won't be able to post for a while. I've got finals, packing up my stuff, getting home and the holidays. Then I'm leaving for a 2 week Shakespeare intensive in London with my best friend, which I could not be more excited for! I get to see the Globe and Stratford-Upon-Avon, for me that's like going to Disney World. I'm going to try to finish editing some stuff and have it up by Christmas but I can't promise anything.

Any of you UK people have recommendations of stuff to do in my downtime while I'm over there? We're hitting Scotland for a few days as well, the thought process was basically "Hey, it's like $100 to fly to Scotland from Heathrow, let's go!" We're visiting my friend at U. Edinburgh then heading to Glasgow but beyond that there's just darkness... and possibly some dragons. So I REALLY need ideas for what to do while we're in lovely (but apparently freezing?) Scotland. Please?

Now that I got that excitement out of my system.

Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to review my story, it really does help and means the world to me especially since I'm currently doing this without a beta. So thank you, thank you, thank you. I really can't possibly say that enough.

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I will never forget the first time I really talked to Eric. It was December 23 at 11pm. Gran and Jason had gone off to bed early, tired from decorating the tree and other holiday fun. I was sitting in the living room in front of the dying fire looking at the still lit tree. It was sparkling and beautiful and all I could think about was how much I didn't want to go back to school, back to Bill. Eric walked in quietly and sat down next to me, handing me a fresh cup of tea.

"Thank you." I said smiling gently at him.

"Sookie, I know we don't really know each other all that well but do you mind if I ask you something?"

I wasn't sure where his line of questioning was going. That made me nervous. "Sure. I guess."

"What's going on with you? I mean, You look like you've dropped at least 20 pounds."

I just stared at him. "How could you POSSIBLY know that?"

He sighed and turned to face me fully. "Did you know that Jason has a picture of you in his wallet? It's from your prom last year. He shows it to everyone when he talks about how fantastic you are. He's worried about you and for the first time in his life doesn't know what to say to make things better."

"Are you kidding me? You're a total stranger. You have NO right to ask me anything about my life, or make judgements about me." I had to struggle to keep my voice down so I don't wake Gran.

"Hey, don't take this out on me. I'm showing concern for you."

"You don't know me." I point out.

"True, but I know Jason, and he is worried about you Sookie, tell me what's wrong." It is not a question.

He grabbed my wrist, hard, and I froze. It was only recently that Bill had started smacking me around, but I'd learned early on that the less I fought the quicker it would end. Eric is standing as still as I am, and notices that I'm staring at the vice-like grip that he has on my arm. He releases me immediately and I drop to the floor letting out the tears I've been holding for months. He goes down on his knees next to me, wrapping me up in his arms and holding me rubbing a large, soothing hand up and down my back. It is nearly an hour later when my tears finally subside, he hasn't said a word and as I pull away I see a large wet patch on his shirt.

"Oh, I'm so sorry. I got your shirt all wet." He just smiled.

"Sookie, it's just water, it'll dry. No big deal. Now, do you want to tell me who's been hitting you?"

"How did you…"

"You are Jason Stackhouse's sister, no way me grabbing your arm should make you stop in your tracks. The only way you wouldn't fight back is if someone had already scared you into not fighting it." I look at him, he already knows exactly what is going on, that he is just looking for confirmation. I give it to him.

"My boyfriend, Bill." And I tell Eric everything. The words come pouring out, words I had been holding in for months because there was no one left to listen. Bill had made sure of that.

A/N: So this was my first real attempt at dialogue for this story and that has never really been my strong point, let me know what you think?


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: I'm almost done with finals! I've got two more tomorrow and then FREEDOM! I got back from one a few hours ago with every intention of putting the finishing touches on an essay due tomorrow, and this just came to me. Along with a whole bunch of other plot threads I'm hoping to work in. This one is over 2,000 words and I even started on another chapter! Which is kind of absurd. But hopefully I'll have that up for you guys before I head across the pond. Let me know what you think. Reviews are love!

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Eric tried so hard to help me. But after that night I wouldn't let him in. I couldn't believe I'd done that, told someone who was basically a stranger everything about my relationship with Bill. He would get so, so mad at me if he ever found out. I don't even want to think about what he would do. After a couple of days he let the issue go. He told me years later that he did it because "You can't save someone who doesn't want to be saved."

I think Eric realized that the best possible thing he could do for me was just make sure that I knew that he was there for me should that situation change. In his attempts to get me to open up again he told me all about himself. He told me about his parents dying in Sweden and about growing up with his Aunt. That he had attended a boarding school in New York City with his younger sister, Pam who was a freshman at Columbia. She was currently living it up in Stockholm, sleeping all day in preparation for partying the night away, something Eric said he occasionally enjoyed but really wasn't his scene. Like me he aspired to be in the FBI although he wanted to be a field agent, not a behavioral analyst like me. His goal was to be head of the field office in New York City because he loved it there and wanted to help make it a safer place, something he felt he could do better as an FBI agent rather than becoming a police officer.

Conversations like that, about the future left me thinking. We talked about our dreams and goals, and even though I was still trying to achieve that goal I couldn't for the life of me figure out what had happened to the girl who dreamed up the life I was working so hard to get. That girl was strong, independent, and never wanted for something to do on the weekend. Now I'm weak, totally dependant on Bill and I spend my Saturday waiting by the phone wondering if he's going to call.

What the hell happened?

Somehow, Eric knew that I was mulling everything over in my head, and he knew that he couldn't push it. He always seemed to know exactly what I needed at any given moment, not always what I wanted, but what I needed. Like how on the last day of break he knew that I needed to get out of the house. He asked me to go on one last jaunt (his word, not mine) through Bon Temps since the three of us were leaving early tomorrow morning.

There were no serious conversations that day, we walked around, he bought me a cup of coffee and we went into the lone department store in downtown Bon Temps where I helped him pick out a gift for his sister. We had fun laughing at some of the crazy fashion trends that people seemed to be following, like a pair of what looked suspiciously like leggings made of leather. In the end he picked out a beautiful blue 50s style cardigan with silver beading around the neck. He kept calling it a grandma sweater, but apparently Pam had a weakness for pastels and clothing that looked like it should have belonged to June Cleaver. It was a great day, for the most part, with one dark cloud waiting for us when we got home.

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As Eric and I entered the house, shaking the snow off of our clothes and laughing. There was a shout of s "Hey, you two!" from the kitchen. Jason was in there and I could smell his amazing harvest pie cooking away, a scent that seemed to confuse Eric who shrugged and followed me into the kitchen, stopping short at the sight of Jason standing by the oven wearing an apron.

"Jason," Eric started warily "what are you doing near the oven?"

"Making pie." Jason said trying to hide his embarrassment as he tried to be sneaky about taking off the apron, as if Eric could unsee it. I couldn't stop myself from jumping up and down like a little kid, clapping and shouting "Yay!"

"Um, don't take this the wrong way, but is that safe? I mean, you can't even boil water." Eric clearly didn't know about Jason's deep dark secret, a realization that sent me into another round of giggles.

"Eric you didn't know? Jason here bakes. He can't cook to save his life, but baking is practically an art form!"

"Seriously, dude?"

Jason looked sheepish, "What? I like it. Don't tell me it's not manly!"

"Oh, no." Eric told him, "I'm just wondering why I've never benefited from this particular skill before."

"Possibly because my teammates would mock me until graduation?"

"Aw, Jason don't say that. I'm sure there are football player bakers out there." I told him.

"Yea," Eric said, chuckling and looking at me "I'm sure Brett Favre makes a mean chocolate chip cookie."

"Fine then, you just can't have any."Jason told him pouting. I couldn't help laughing at the look on Eric's face, it was a strange cross between devastation and amusement. "Oh, Sookie, while you two were gone somebody stopped by to see you."

"Oh, yea? Who?" That was odd, I'd already seen all of my friends from high school, and most of them had already gone back to college. Plus, anyone who knew me knew that one of my biggest pet peeves was when people who don't call before they stop by. I mean really, it's just rude, give me time to shove the mess into closets. No one from Vandy lives around here. Except…

"Some guy named Bill."

Oh, no.

"Oh, what did he want." I asked fighting to stay calm and control the fear in my voice.

"He said he and his family were visiting his uncle across the way. They were on their way back home and just thought he'd swing by and say 'hi'. But I told him you were out with Eric."

Shit.

"Oh, ok. Um, I'm going to go finish packing for school." I booked it up to my room before either of them could say anything.

Shit, shit, shit, shit. This is not good. Bill knows that I was hanging out with another guy. He hates that. Oh, God. He's going to… I honestly don't know what he's going to do.

There was a gentle knock at my door "Sookie?" Eric called softly, nudging the door open. "Everything ok?"

"Yea." I said wiping away tears I didn't know I'd been shedding. "I just have a lot to finish packing before my flight tomorrow." I said turning to face him and praying that my red eyes wouldn't give away that I'd been crying.

"Oh, yea. I've got some of that left too."

"I know. You two are still dropping me off at the airport on the way out of town, right?"

"Yea, sure, sure." He says awkwardly, looking at the floor. I've never seen him so nervous. "So, I had a really great time with you this past month and I just… well, here's my email and number, just in case you ever, you know, want to talk or whatever." He handed me a slip of paper.

"Oh, great thanks. I'll jot mine down for you before you leave."

"Ok, I'm going to go pack then." There's an awkward feeling in the air, something that hasn't been there before, and he walks out of the room.

The first thing I did was rush over to my laptop, I needed a new email if I want to talk to Eric again. An account that Bill didn't have the password for. I set up an account on gmail and wrote it down on a slip of paper along with my cell phone number. I jogged over to Eric's doorway to give it to him before I lost my nerve, it was the first time I'd done something I knew that Bill wouldn't approve of since we had started dating.

"Here you go Eric."

"Thanks, Sookie." He looked so relieved that I'd given him my information, that I hadn't rejected his attempt to reach out to me.

"Ok, I seriously need to go finish packing now." I told him and he laughed.

"Yea, get out of here, let me know if you need anything."

"Will do."

I finished all of my packing before dinner which was fantastic, Gran had pulled out all of the stops and made all of our favorite foods, even Eric's. We ended it with Jason's pie and, true to his word Jason wouldn't let Eric have any. He spent all of dessert pouting as Jason and I discussed exactly how good the pie was and Gran laughed. After dinner the boys ran around frantically searching for anything they might have forgotten before we all headed up to bed, I had an early flight to catch and they had a long drive ahead of them.

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The next morning I had to drag myself out of bed and down to the kitchen, still in my PJ's with my fluffy pink bunny slippers on my feet.

"Good morning sleepy head!" Jason said as I walked into the kitchen, he held out a steaming mug of coffee to me.

"I trained you very well." I mutter. A sentiment that is met with laughter.

"Oh, right. You haven't actually seen morning Sookie, have you? She's a bit of a caffeine junkie." I hear Jason explaining to someone, I look up and notice Eric sitting across the island from me.

"So, you like coffee then?" He asks me.

"Only with my oxygen." I tell him like it's the most obvious thing in the world.

"And you're sarcastic in the mornings. Delightful." He says with a smile to let me know he's just messing around.

"I'm always delightful." I say reaching across the island to steal his mug since I had already finished my cup. I take a swig and then spit it out. "What IS that?" I sputter, trying to get the horrible taste out of my mouth.

"Tea." He tells me with a smirk.

"Why would you drink tea when there is coffee to be had?"

"Because coffee is bad for you."

"No, coffee is your friend. Especially MY coffee."

"Coffee Sookie-style blackens your teeth and rots your insides." Jason chimes in.

It's almost like I'm myself again, the girl I was before Bill sank his claws into me. I used to banter, I used to be funny.

"Ok, sis, you better go get dressed if you want to make that flight back to Nashville." Jason says pointing at the clock, I follow his finger and scream, I have 10 minutes to get dressed. I scramble upstairs with the sound of Eric and Jason's laughter following me. I yank on the jeans and sweater I picked out the night before, tuck my jeans into the top of the boots I'm wearing, drag a brush through my hair and slap on some cover up and mascara. Then I run back down the stairs where I hear Jason trying to explain "Morning Sookie" to Eric. "I think it's got something to do with the alarm, the pitch or something just sets off a crabby switch."

"Ha, ha. Very funny." I say sarcastically.

"There you are! Sookie Stackhouse light of my life! My own personal ray of sunshine!" Eric greets me dramatically, I can't help laughing no matter how cranky I am.

"Ok, goof balls lets head out."

The boys drove me to the airport and Eric walked me in carrying my bags to the baggage check, once we got to the entrance he gave me a long hug before pulling away and gripping my shoulders. He looked straight into my eyes and told me that giving me his contact information wasn't a gesture, that he wanted me to use it. Even if I didn't want to talk about anything serious he still wanted to hear from me. I only nodded, unable to formulate a response. He pulled me in for another hug, and kissed the top of my head before letting me go with a "Take care of yourself, Sookie." And he headed back out to Jason's waiting car. Something in me hurt seeing him walk away, but I pushed that feeling aside and went to board the plane that would take me back to Nashville, where I was sure an angry Bill would meet me and punish me for spending time with a man who wasn't him.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: I'M BACK! The UK was wonderful, I want to move there and never come back! London was amazing, Edinburgh was glorious, Stirling (which was recommended by a reviewer, yay!) was delightful, and Stratford was heavenly! (Since I'm a huge Shakespeare dork.) And it was so lovely to come home and see reviews! They make my world go round people!

So, as you may have noticed I changed the rating on this because there is a psudo rape scene in this chapter. Nothing to graphic but it's a mature subject matter and seemed like the right call. It's not terribly long, this is setting up for things to come.

REVIEW! It makes me update faster....

~Iz

I landed in Nashville with no trouble, collected my bags and caught a cab back to campus.

Bill was waiting for me when I got to my dorm, Amelia wasn't there yet. Even though our friendship that had been so promising at the beginning of the year had detiriorated to the least ammount of communication she had still been nice enough to send an email letting me know when she planned to be back and wishing me a happy Christmas.

"Hi, Sookie. Have a good break?" He started with a dangerous glint in his eye.

"It was ok, I missed you though." I told him praying that that would be the right answer.

It wasn't.

He arched his eyebrow, "Did you now? Eric couldn't keep you occupied?" He spat out Eric's name like it was filth.

I unlocked my door and entered the small room Bill hot on my heels.

"Eric is no one, he's my brother's friend and I was helping him pick out a last minute gift for his sister." I tried to tell him while trying to keep my voice calm. It was as I was turning to face him that his fist connected with my cheek, after that all I remember is sounds and pain.

The sound of flesh on flesh.

The sickening crack of my ribs breaking.

The click of the lock.

The zip of his pants being removed.

The rip of my t-shirt as he yanked it off of my body.

The blinding pain I felt as he entered me for the first time.

And the screaming, the horrible heart wrenching screaming. The sound I didn't realize until hours later was coming from me.

Then it stopped, the source of my pain was withdrawn leaving a dull ache in it's place. Bill wasn't on top of me anymore. There were other people in the room.

Again there was the sound of flesh on flesh combined with the crunching of bones as they gave way to the force of the punches that were being thrown by… someone. All I felt was Amelia's arms around me as she helped mr cover myself with a blanket. All I heard was her shouting at Tray to stop. Somewhere in the back of my mind it registered in the back of my mind that he was Amelia's new boyfriend, that he was someone who'd been nice to me.

Then I fainted.

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When I woke up I was lying in a hospital bed. There were machines beeping all around me in an odd kind of symphony and Amelia was asleep in the chair beside my bed, she didn't look comfortable and I was touched by the fact that she was there even though I'd spent the past few months pushing her away. I looked up as the door opened to reveal a nurse.

"Oh, dear you're awake. That wonderful!" she said in that cheery yet concerned voice that only nurses and kindergarden teachers seem to be able to pull off. She started checking things on the machines that surrounded me, I tried to ask how long I'd been here but my throat was so dry it came out as little more than a croak.

"You must need some water." All I could do was nod. She carefully helped me to sit up and tipped some cool water down my throat. Nothing had ever tasted as good as that water in that moment.

I heard Amelia stirring in the chair.

"Sookie! You're awake!" She cried rushing up to give me a hug.

The nurse gave us a gentle smile, again the kid you really only see on nurses. "I'll leave you girls alone, your doctor will be in in a few minutes to check up on you." And she left the room.

The next thing I knew Amelia was bursting into tears. "Oh, Sookie, I'm so so so sorry, I didn't know that Bill had gotten that bad, I can't believe I didn't try to stop you! Oh, if I hadn't let you go so fucking easily this never would have happened!" She couldn't stop crying and saying that this was all her fault.

"Amelia, AMELIA! This is not your fault, if anyone is to blame it's me, I should have known he was capable of something like this." I should have, I should have known, I should have gotten out. I shouldn't have come back knowing that Bill knew I'd been spending time with someone else.

"Actually, Miss Stackhouse, the only person to blame in any of this is Mr. Compton." Said the middle aged woman in the lab coat who entered the room at that moment. "You have done nothing wrong, there is no way that you could have known this was how you would be starting off your semester."

I just stared, on some level I know that she was right but at the moment I just couldn't seem to stop blaming myself for what had happened earlier that day.

Everything was a blur.

The doctor did a rape kit, which I agreed to after she explained that even with Amelia and Tray as witnesses it was best not to leave anything to chance and have DNA evidence for the police. Because I was absolutly pressing charges against Bill. It was invasive and horrible and after that I spent nearly an hour giving my statement to the police officer that came in. She was understanding and like the doctor told me that none of this was my fault, that no matter what there was no one in the entire world who deserved to be raped, or treated the way I had been. They took Amelia and Tray's statements as well before saying that I could go home the next morning.

I talked to Amelia and then I had to call Jason and tell him. He cried, I never thought I'd see the day that my big brother would cry like a child. He felt so guilty that he hadn't been able to protect me, even though he was 5 states away he still thought that it was his job to keep me safe.

He thought he'd failed and nothing I said could convince him that that simply wasn't true.

I talked to Jason for nearly two hours. During that time we decided that I was going to go back to Vanderbilt and try to get on with my life, but he was going to call the housing office when they opened at 8 and get my room switched.

I was going back to school, no way in hell I would ever set foot in that room again.

A/N: Poor Sookie! I felt so bad for doing this but it's kind of necessary for my plot. But ugh! Things that suck.

I know this probably wasn't my best work. But review anyway? Click the button... you know you want to...


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: sorry, sorry, sorry! There was drama and school and life and not writing. I hope this helps make up for it! I promise to be more consistent with posting chapters. I love all of you for reviewing, adding me to author alerts, etc. You're all fabulous!

Three weeks.

Three weeks since Bill attacked me.

Since he took away my ability to feel safe.

I'd moved to a different dorm on the other side of campus. Amelia, bless her heart, had moved with me. But I'd since cut her off even more than I had when Bill and I were together. On some level I realized that Bill was getting exactly what he wanted. I had withdrawn into a shell. I knew that doing that meant that Bill was winning but I couldn't seem to stop it, the more people tried to get close to me the harder I pushed them away.

I woke up, showered, went to class, came home.

I hardly ate.

I occasionally dealt with lawyers, Bill was being charged with assault and rape by the state of Tennessee. His lawyer was trying desperately to get me on the stand but the state's attorney had promised that she would do everything in her power to keep that from happening. She planned to argue that I had been through enough and that the statement I gave to the police should be more than enough.

Aside from the lawyer I talked to exactly two people, and even that was only through email. I talked to Jason, I talked to Eric, and that was it. Even those weren't terribly in depth. I didn't usually want to talk to Jason and yet I dutifully replied to the three (usually more) emails he sent me daily. Sometimes they were serious, asking questions about how Bill's trial was going and when they expected to have a decision. Sometimes it was just a silly link to something strange he'd found on the internet. I have no idea how he does it but since the first time he got onto a computer he'd been able to find the strangest things. Every time anyone asked about this peculiar talent of his he gave the same answer" "Dude, this stuff finds ME!"

I liked talking to Eric, he gave me a sense of security that someone cared about me when they didn't have to. Jason meant well but sometimes I got the sense that he was asking about me and my life because he felt like he had to. I know he loves me, but that doesn't stop me from wondering if he loves me because he loves me or because he has to. I didn't have that connection to Eric and yet on the day I came home from the hospital and logged into my email there was a message from Eric waiting for me.

From: ENorthman Duke . edu

To: susanah. vanderbilt . edu

Dear Sookie,

I hope you don't mind me contacting you. Jason gave me an idea of what happened to you and I'm so sorry. I would have called but I thought perhaps email would be easier on both of us. It's a beautiful thing writing to people you can organize your thoughts and make sure that you say exactly what you want. It let's you minimize the number of times you put your foot in your mouth. Something I do quite often, something I hope you'll eventually learn. If you talk to me. Not that you have to.

I guess I just wanted to make sure you know that I'm here for you in whatever capacity you need me to be. Whenever you need it. You're my friend and I want to make sure you don't forget that.

-Eric

I'm still not sure why I wrote back. It did take nearly two weeks for me to press the send button on the message I composed the day after I received his message.

From: susanah. vanderbilt . edu

To: ENorthman duke . edu

Dear Eric,

Thank you for your email. I'm sorry it took me so long to respond. I'm doing... not so great. Things here just keep getting worse, I can't stay here. I can almost feel my gpa dropping. But I don't know how to fix this. What do I do?

-Sookie

Eric responded within a half hour. Something I would learn that he always did. No matter how long it took me to write back to him his response was almost instantaneous.

From: .edu

To: .edu

Sookie,

You transfer and get as far away from there as you can. I'd suggest applying now while you still have a strong gpa. Most schools only need a 2.5. How about New York or Boston? Pam has promised that if you move to New York she'll keep an eye on you for me. You'd like her. She's tough as nails but a sweetheart when you get to know her. Or when you come with a seal of approval from her favorite big brother. She's at Columbia. I don't know if you know that, or if you have the gpa to get in. If not there are a ton of schools in the city. Barnard is right across the street and they have slightly lower requirements.

-Eric

He talked to Jason for me, I'm sure there was a huge blow up about me talking to Eric about my problems more than I was talking to Jason. But Jason never let on, because at the end of the day my brother loved me and only wanted the best for me. I think he was happy I was talking to SOMEBODY.

From: duke . edu

To: susanah. vanderbilt . edu

Hey sis,

Eric said you might be looking into transferring to somewhere in New York? I can't say that I blame you after everything that happened. I started an application to NYU for you on commonapp, there's an attachment with all of the info you need to complete it, all you need to do is write a couple of essays. Or just upload the one's you used when ou were applying to colleges last year. YOu may also notice the application for Duke... I'm just saying, it's an option.

Baby sis, I think it's a good idea, I want you somewhere where you feel safe, and that place isn't vandy anymore is it?

Love,

Jason

I clicked on the link, 15 minutes and a few hundred dollars later (application fees, they hurt) I had applications in at 4 schools Duke, Columbia, NYU, Northeastern.

From: susanah. vanderbilt . edu

To: duke . edu

Jason,

Thank you. I've got applications in at a few schools in different cities. I already feel better knowing that I won't be coming back here next fall. I'll keep you posted on the school situation.

Love,

Sookie

A few weeks later the letters started rolling in. I was accepted at Duke, NYU and Northeastern. I was rejected from Columbia, not that I was really expecting to get in, I knew I was reaching for the stars. I almost immediately accepted the spot at NYU. I didn't know anyone in New York but it was nice to know that Eric's sister would be there, and he promised to introduce her to me that summer. With that weight off of my shoulders I started to get back to who I was. I started small talking to Amelia, I still couldn't bear to be around men. But Amelia was a huge comfort and wonderful friend, I'm sure it put a wrench in their relationship and it definitely hurt their sex life but she never brought Tray back to our room. It was a boy free zone. I saw him when he came by to pick her up for dates and that was it. I loved her for that.

I would be sad to leave her, but with email, phones and facebook. I was confident we wouldn't loose touch. She was sad that I was leaving but understood, I couldn't stay there. I couldn't.

A/N: I have a question: For the next chapter of the story should I summarize the rest of Sookie's semester, the trial and only have a few parts of her summer, and get started on Sookie in New York. OR should I go into detail about Bill's trial, how Sookie get's through the rest of the year and THEN get to NYC? I don't know how to set up a poll on my profile so please let me know in a review... speaking of reviews I LIVE FOR THEM! Make me happy, yea?


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: Two chapters in two days?! What is this madness?! The next update is probably going to be sometime early next week but I thought I'd throw this up in the mean time.

I decided to semi-summarize, I wrote out both versions and this one just ended up coming out better. It glosses over the semester and the trial and shows bits of the summer and it lacks dialogue it's basically filler to set up for moving to New York. She gets to go be a fighting violet in the next chapter. (legit, that's the mascot. I loooove it! Almost as much as the Berklee Jazz Cats and the Williams Purple Cows awesome, awesome mascots.)

disclaimer: Not mine, put the lawyers away.

-

I fought my way through the rest of the semester, it took a huge toll on me but with my excellent grades from the semester before I managed to leave Vanderbilt with a 3.0. A lot of it had to do with the school counselor I started going to twice a week. It was Amelia's idea, one in a string of them actually. The list included every new age remedy you could imagine yoga, crystal healing, meditation even acupuncture. I took to the yoga and followed her advice about seeing a professional therapist, everything else, well, Amelia would always be something of a hippie.

It was a relief to be going home, to Louisiana, to Gran. The first thing I did was find a therapist in Shreveport a half hour away. I needed her because without school to concentrate I spent a lot of time in my own head, I built walls up around my heart and my mind, I promised myself that no one was going to hurt me the way he had. Without Amelia's peaceful presence suggesting passive ways to deal with my emotional strife I gave in to the pure, unadulterated rage I felt.

Bill had taken my control.

I would take it back.

I took self defense classes and kickboxing, the next time someone tried anything like that I would be ready. I would make them pay for what they wanted to do to me.

I spent the first two months of my summer vacation like that, with Jason and my fully justifiable rage as my only companions. I didn't want to see my friends.

Through all of this I waited and waited for a conviction, some news that Bill was going to pay for what he did. The trial was held up for the entire semester by Bill and his lawyers throwing up some bullshit defense. I couldn't wait for him to get time; I wanted him in a state penitentiary where some huge inmate would make Bill his bitch. I had every confidence that Bill's fellow inmates would make him pay for what he'd done.

Then I got the call.

He got nothing.

Oh, he was going to be punished, but a very loose interpretation of the word. It had been determined that Bill was not guilty by reason of insanity, his defense pulled some psychologist out of somewhere and had him say some things that led the jury to reach the conclusion that Bill was in fact, insane. I couldn't understand why it worked out that way, the lawyer explained to me that this was probably for the best. That instead of Bill being locked up for a set amount of time and me having to worry about him being released he would be in a state funded mental institution. An institution he may well never be released from since he had to be declared mentally stable and that was something that came about so rarely that a statistic for it did not exist.

I wasn't happy but I felt safe. The district attorney called me himself to assure me that the security at a hospital for the criminally insane was on par with the kind found in the highest security prison.

In July Eric came back, this time with his sister, Pam. She was… interesting. I'd never meet anyone like her. The girl was like Martha Stewart on crack, she showed up wearing a knee length pink skirt with pale pink pumps, a pastel sweater set and pearls. I'd never seen a 19 year old who dressed like a soccer mom, albeit a very well dressed soccer mom, but as my Gran was constantly saying, it takes all different sorts.

Pam's outward appearance hid what was possibly the snarkiest and most spectacularly bitchy personality I'd ever encountered. I mean that in the best possible way. Watching her cut people, particularly men, down to size was amazing and something I loved to watch her do. I wished I could be like her. The girl was brilliant and a bit of a snob to those around her (as she told me later, "I know I'm a pretentious, stuck up bitch. I like to pretend that being aware of that fact makes it ok." It didn't, but it was funny as hell.) I loved Pam. She was the epitome of fabulous and I got the feeling there would never be a dull night in New York.

Being back with Eric helped to calm me down the rage melted away as I talked to him every night about what had happened. I grew comfortable around men once more. Well, I could be in the same room and converse with them; it would be a long, long time before I would be ok being alone with a man who wasn't Jason or Eric.

The pair of them stayed with us for a month, and I spent most of that time glued to Eric's side. They all knew what I was doing; over the last few months somewhere between all the emails that got immediate responses and late night phone calls that never went unanswered Eric had become the still point of my rapidly turning world. It would be a long time before I would see him again, and I wanted to absorb the comforting calm that seemed to radiate off of him. I needed him so much that it hurt, but I knew he couldn't stay. Eric and Jason left in mid-August to head back to school for football boot camp as they called it. You do not become a game winning, Division I machine without some serious work.

Pam stayed on for an extra week before we both needed to leave for New York. I'd never been so nervous, I had never left the south and now I was uprooting myself to go to the biggest most famous city in the whole world. Pam helped me by spending that week helping me buy all new things for my dorm room and promising that the first thing we'd be doing in when we got to the city would be to get me a heavy winter coat. Southern and northern winter were two completely different beasts. I was shaking in my boots at the prospect of what I was about to do, but it felt good to know that I had a real friend who would be there with me every step of the way. Pam became what Amelia had been to me, it helped more than I would ever admit.

When I went to sleep the evening before we left my stomach was in knots, I tossed and turned all night long. I woke up at 5 am, much earlier than I needed to and walked into my bathroom. I stared at myself in the mirror before slapping myself across the face.

"You can do this, you are Sookie Stackhouse and you can do anything!"

I'd taken to giving myself this sort of pep talk when I thought I couldn't face something, getting there was half the battle. I was strong, confident, fabulous and ready to take on the big bad city.

I am Sookie Stackhouse, hear me roar!


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: Ok, Sookie in New York. The Eric time is going to be basically nonexistent for the next few chapters, I think Sookie needs to grow as a person and learn to be independent and strong again before she can handle a relationship with everyone's favorite Viking. :P But there are lemons at the end of the tunnel, I promise so stick with me!

New York City.

It really is the center of the world. People all over the world spend their days dreaming of coming to New York, counting on the endless opportunities that one of the largest cities in the world, and I think the largest in the United States, will inevitably present.

It does not disappoint.

This is without a doubt the most culturally diverse place I've ever been, and I'm not even talking about the city overall, I'm just talking about my floor. My dorm is in Greenwich Village (I can practically HEAR Pam screaming "Only tourists call it that! And STOP looking up at all the skyscrapers!!!") and my campus is literally the city, classrooms are everywhere, any building with a purple and white flag is part of my school.

It's amazing.

I'm incredibly aware of how far I am from everything I've ever known and being in a city this big has helped me to put things in perspective, I seem kind of inconsequential. In a city of millions I am just one person. The beautiful thing about the city is this big is that anything I want or need is literally at my fingertips. If I want Chinese takeout during a studying marathon at 2am not only is it available, they'll deliver, if I want to go to the gym when I can't sleep at 4am there is a 24 hour gym just around the corner, not that I'd ever go because Law & Order doesn't lie and the creeps come out at night. But the fact that the opportunity is there should I want it totally blows my mind.

More importantly there was a therapist on every corner, and support groups for literally everything. I found a group through NYU that was specifically for women who'd been raped by someone they knew. I was still angry all the time about what had happened but it helped more than words can describe to know that I wasn't the only one with a boyfriend who had done that. I wasn't the first girl who was so stupidly trusting of some guy. Between that and private therapy I was starting to learn to stand on my own two feet again, I was no longer emailing Eric every other day, it had dwindled down to once a week, which was still more than I talked to anything else, but I needed to learn to be independent of him. Especially since recently the emails had changed, he started signing "Love, Eric" and Jason had said that he was asking about me, what I was like before this happened.

Not that I would ever be that girl again.

That girl is dead.

I was flattered, and had I met Eric first or before all of this had happened I may have even been open to the idea of starting something, if that were what he was actually leading up to. As it was there was still a huge gaping hole inside of me where my ability to love and trust had once resided, I felt like I would never be able to love anyone or let them in ever again.

I try not to dwell on stuff like that.

My roommate, Selah, was… a bitch. There's no other way to put it. She told me straight off the bat that she wasn't interested in befriending me and that she was going to be having study groups in our room at least once a week, I could be here but I would need to be quiet so that they could study. She handed me a list of rules before I'd even said hello. She was a pre-med student and thought that my psychology major was flaky, stupid, and useless. If your major wouldn't lead to someday saving the world or curing cancer it wasn't worth the time and effort.

The year would be interesting to say the least. Thank goodness for Pam and her open policy on her apartment, she handed me a key, left my name and photo with her doorman and said I was welcome anytime, I would be spending a lot of time in her upper west side apartment. It was during those visits that I started making friends again, as suggested by my therapist I was desperately trying to engage in a normal level of social interaction. Particularly with men, I needed to learn that not everyone with a dick was out to get me. I knew it intellectually but in practice it was so different. I had a lot of trouble speaking to the guys in my classes and on my floor but I could converse with relative ease with the boys that hung out at Pam's, it eased my mind to know that she already knew them, no way would she let someone she didn't like into her home and it took a great deal of work to earn the right to call her a friend.

She trusted them, so, by extension so did I.

I didn't particularly like the fact that the majority of my friends went to Columbia, on the other side of the city and a mere handful attended my own school but that was the way it was, and for the time, it was enough.

The kids in my hall, aside from little miss bitchy pants were nice enough although I kind of longed for the days of single sex floors. They didn't question why I didn't socialize with them much and I appreciated the lack of pressure, someday I'd be outgoing and able to make friends, even though I knew that day was a long way off I knew that it was coming and that was comfort enough.

Social life aside I was once again thriving academically, my classes were interesting although I did find a downside to living in a culturally diverse city, my professors were from EVERYWHERE, I'd quickly learned that while I had little trouble understanding most European accents I couldn't deal with Asian accents. The woman teaching my calculus class while very nice had an intense Chinese accent. She seemed to really know what she was talking about, it was just such a shame that I couldn't understand a damn thing that she said.

New York as a city is an adventure and a challenge, but it was one that I was ready to face. After everything that had happened the year before conquering the subway, Asian accents, bitchy roommates and learning to function without Eric to lean on didn't seem all that hard. Someone told me once that the people in this world you should be most afraid of are the ones who have been through hell. Not because they're damaged or anything, but because they have proved to themselves that they can survive. That the world cannot break them.

I was damaged and hurting all the time with emotional scars I was almost positive would never fully heal.

That fact had made me invincible.

The world could throw its worst at me. I knew I could take it.

A/N: Well there you go! I'm not going to be writing or posting for a while because it's spring break and I'M GOING TO CHINA!!!! To see the boyfriend, he's there on a scholarship to study Chinese language, and has been since August, I miss him like crazy. I'm thrilled that I get to see him for 2 whole weeks. BUT he says that the internet is unreliable and he hasn't been able to get on fanfiction, communism does not approve of this site. Boo.

What I can get is REVIEWS because email still works!!! So Review, review, REVIEW! Let me know that people are reading my story and have opinions about it!!! It'll make my awesome vacation even better if I get some loving from you guys.


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: Sorry, sorry, sorry. School and life got in the way of updating. I will be better once school lets out in about a month. I decided to skip through the rest of college, I started to write it but I just got really bogged down in details that I thought didn't really go with the flow of the rest of the story. For anyone who's interested, there's a super long note about my adventures in China at the bottom of this. I had a blast!

The chapter itself is pretty short, I've got another one going and I'm going to try to have it up before finals in two weeks. Yay!

4 Years Later

"Hey, Sooks, you ready to go?" Jason asked me holding the final box that contained everything I'd accumulated over the last few years while I lived in the big, bad apple.

"Yea, I'll be down in just a minute."

"Ok." He said as he headed down to load his box into the rented u-haul waiting downstairs. I looked around one last time at my now empty apartment, I'd lived here for four years, two with Pam and two alone, she was currently living in Paris being fabulous and working for Vogue, she's a writer and really, it's a job she was born to do.

I had graduated summa cum laude from NYU two years before with a degree in psychology, my specialty being rape victims. Thanks mostly to the study habits I had picked up from my Ivy League friends I was able to get myself a spot in the graduate program at Columbia. I worked my ass off and graduated in two years with a Masters degree in Criminal Psychology. A degree I was going to put to good use at the job I was starting exactly two weeks from now in Quantico, Virginia. After years of hard work I had my dream job, I was going to be a criminal profiler for the F.B.I. I was recruited by them for this job which still blew my mind. I had anticipated time at the F.B.I. academy followed by years of grunt work before I got the job I really wanted; thank heavens for guest lecturers. I took a course taught by a man on leave from the unit I was about to join all about female serial killers. There weren't a ton of them so the course was short but in the few weeks I was in that lecture I impressed him so much that he gave me his card and took my information so that by the time I was looking for a job the director already wanted me for the B.A.U. (behavioral analysis unit).

Believe me when I say this: I am the luckiest girl in the world, and I know it.

Bill was still in jail although he was approaching the point in his sentence where he could start applying for parole, something the district attorney of Nashville had assured me was almost impossible, I didn't like the word almost being there, but I couldn't do a thing about it, and I had to accept that. That was something I had learned to accept in the last four years, there are things that are beyond my control, I can let that control me or I can learn to live with it. I learned to live with it. I was tougher, stronger, BETTER than the broken girl who had arrived in this city looking for answers half a decade before. I'd learned to live with what had happened, I didn't move on but I lived with it.

Rape is not something you move on from, there is no way to fully heal from that kind of thing. However, part of the heal process for me was a decision: What happened to me will NOT define me. I won't let it.

I'd had to relearn how to feel good about myself; confident in who I was as a person and as a woman. I'd started working part time at a women's advocacy group and even wrote the occasional essay for Yes Mean Yes! A blog dedicated to creating a world without rape. (A/N: This is a real blog and it's fantastic and brilliant, go check it out, if you're over 18, which I assume you are since you're reading an M rated fic.) My big thing was accountability. I'd received a lot of sympathy because I'd been a virgin and it had happened in my dorm, but I can't tell you how many people asked me if I'd been drinking, if I'd been a virgin and most importantly what I'd been wearing. As if any of those factors could have lead to my rape, as if I'd been in control of the situation, as if I'd been 'asking for it'.

No one, NO ONE is ever asking for it.

Dressed scantily or conservatively.

Drunk or sober.

Virgin or not.

These factors do not matter, what happened to me was the fault of one person: Bill.

I took the rage and hatred I felt towards a world looking for a way to blame my rape on me out in the blogosphere writing about girls who were blamed for their sexual harassment rather than being treated as victims or survivors. My voice was small but at least it was out there. The writing helped me to heal, I felt like I was doing something. I worked as a rape counselor and fought against schools and hospitals that stonewalled the reporting of rape and sexual harassment, something that happened more often that you would think.

Sometimes all of this activism makes me come off as a stereotypical feminazi. I'm not, even after everything that happened I love men, I've even dated since Bill, I was in a relationship with a guy that I met through Pam named Sam Merlot for over a year, we broke up amicably when he took his business degree back to his home town where he'd started a restaurant that had just started to become a franchise. I was begging him to open up a branch in Virginia, I missed his cooking so much. I'd even slept with Sam, it was wonderful and as far as we were both concerned he was the man I'd given my virginity to. He knew all about Bill and even though I wasn't technically a virgin he said that because I was choosing him and trusting him not to hurt me it meant a thousand times more to him than if he was the one who physically took it. I'd felt that way too, Sam had made me feel safe and loved and I regretted nothing about my decision.

I'd considered waiting until marriage as I'd originally intended but at the end of the day Bill had taken that from me, I wanted sex to be a positive thing in my life, not something I was afraid of.

I think it was one of the better decisions I've made in my life.

I love the life I've lead in New York, I'm not completely sure what I'm going to do without Ruby Foos' coconut sticky rice, hands down my favorite study food. I'd gone so far as to befriend the people who worked there so that I could swing by and pick up an order whenever I needed some. I suppose I will find a new addiction to fuel the late nights in Virginia, I had the recipe for the sticky rice, but it just wasn't as good when I made it. A fact that depresses me more than I am willing to admit.

I was excited and nervous, most people spent years of their lives trying to get into the unit I was basically waltzing into, and very few were successful. Would the team I was assigned to resent me? Would I be able to make friends or find a boyfriend without Pam there to screen them first? For years she'd been something of a mama bear to me, everyone I interacted with on a day to day basis I'd first come to know through Pam, if she thought they were acceptable then they were. Now I was on my own, I would have to judge people for myself instead of relying on her harsh way of treating people to scare away anyone who could potentially hurt me. I only hoped that I'd be able to apply all I knew about the way a criminals mind worked to the people I would meet in Virginia. I could at the very least take comfort in the fact that Jason would be close by. He'd taken a job as the head coach of the UVA football team. (A/N:I have no idea if they have a football team or not, thoughts?)

I could lean on him.

I could wear my degree and knowledge like a suit of armor.

I could take on one of the most elite divisions of the F.B.I.

I could do anything, damnit!

A/N: So at the moment it's looking like this may turn into a crossover with the show Criminal Minds what do you guys think?

This following has nothing to do with the story, but I had severl people who messaged me asking about china so I threw this is.

ALL ABOUT CHINA (for anyone who's interested):

China is amazing, if you ever have a chance GO! Don't ask questions just do it.

After the longest flight I've ever been on (about 13 hours) I landed in Beijing, seeing Nick (my boyfriend) for the first time in ages was fantastic. The city was cool, we didn't see a whole lot of big tourist sites because he knows the city pretty well at this point so we went to all the weird stuff you only find when you live somewhere for a while. We were there for three days before going on 2 adventures, it was awesome but it was a lot of traveling for 2 weeks. We took a 23 hour train ride to Zhangjiajie, to go to Wulingyuan which is basically a national park. This is the part of the world that Avatar's Pandora was based off of if that gives you any sense of how beautiful this place was. Our tour guide for the three days we were there was a 4 foot 10, Chinese version of James Dean. He had his hair slicked back, and was never without a suit, shiny loafers and a cigarette. Seriously. This man smoked the WHOLE TRIP. Three days of pretty serious hiking and this man was never without a cigarette. I loved him, I actually told Nick that I was going to leave him for our tour guide, something Josh (Nick's roommate who came with us) found endlessly amusing.

It's a long hike to the top of this mountain and we spent a lot of this time getting blatantly stared at and mocked because apparently there aren't a whole lot of westerners that come out to this place. Nick got a kick out of talking to these people in Mandarin and I enjoyed the look of "oh, fuck he understood me!" on every person's face.

One of the most awe inspiring things on this hike was the "lover's locks", they have this at the great wall as well, lovers will come, buy a lock, and lock it onto the railing signifying their beautiful and everlasting love for each other. Being the "sickeningly adorable couple" (Josh's words) that we are Nick and I got one. There are hundreds of thousands of these locks and it's a really beautiful thing. It's kind of nice to know that no matter where the two of us end up there will always be a lock in China that represents how much we loved each other at one point in time.

From there we went to Hainan, this place is essentially the Hawaii of China (so our research said). As it turns out it is also the Hawaii of Russia. That should totally be their slogan: Hainan: Where Russians and Chinese people coexist in peace on kickass beaches. Also, Chinese people on the beach are hilarious to watch. For some reason no matter what their age families and couples all wore matching outfits. We spent plenty of time lying on the beach people watching. We stayed in this glorious paradise of warm, blue water and white sand for a week before going back to Beijing for my last night there. After chilling on the beach for a week Beijing was fucking cold.

It was so fantastic to see him, it sucks to have the person you love on the other side of the world but I am so happy that I got to see him and that he will be home in just under three months. All in all I am happy, happy, happy, China is my new favorite country to visit and you should all go.


End file.
